Being 'Difficult'

Hey Y'all,

I've had a revelation this week I thought I'd share.

I'm currently in the process of registering for a large multi-day event that serves food, and throughout that process I've had to email the director about making it free of nuts and asking for her to send out emails to the scores of people attending about my allergy.
At the end of my latest email I had the urge to tack on "Sorry to be difficult", but thought against it. Why?

Because I'm not being difficult when I'm trying to keep myself safe. 

Yes, I require more in the planning phases of an event than others, but I'm not doing it to be difficult or a pain or needy. I'm doing it so I can have the same experiences as my non allergy friends.
So why do I feel the need to apologize for asking these things? Is this what sub-consciously I have been taught? That my allergy needs warrant the need to apologize for being an inconvenience?

That saddens me.

So how do I write an email that outlines what I need done without feeling the need to apologize fifteen times for being over dramatic and whiny?

Here's what I've come up with.

1. Explain the situation 
In my experience as soon as I explain the situation as the forefront of the email it lessens the need for me to apologize because I'm restating to myself this is why I'm doing this. This is why this needs put in place.

2. Be polite 
While this seems like a given, at least for me it really isn't. My first instinct is to outline my needs in a list form with a simple thank you and smiley face tacked on at the end. Uh no. This is what I'm trying to avoid, when I'm talking about allergy accommodations I simply thank them at the beginning for offering whatever it is they're offering, then say what I need done, and reiterate why, then thank them again. This way I come across as asking instead of telling.

3. Don't be afraid to say what you need
Early in my allergy journey I thought of myself as a nuisance to everyone, that asking the bare minimum was too much to ask.
This isn't true. If you are capable and invited to go there is no reason you shouldn't be given the opportunity. State what you need done upfront so there aren't any last minute complications later.

4. Don't go overboard
 I confess, I am a worrywart. Everything that can go wrong has already run through my head five times with varying horrible outcomes, so when I'm asking for accommodations it's also my instinct to explain every little thing that could be done, including x-raying all participants for signs of nut protein.
I don't need that. 
Would it be nice to know no one has eaten nuts in twenty four hours? Yes. Is it necessary for my well being? No. Only ask for what you need, no more. Now this may seem to contradict number 3, but they really go hand in hand. Don't be afraid to ask for all the things you need, maybe that's only a simple reminder email, maybe it's a lot more. But at the same time if you really do only need that email done, don't ask for more.


This list isn't the end all be all, and maybe I've messed something up, but this is what I'm trying to follow to attempt to get my point across without appearing needy. Anyone else have any tips?

-Libby

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity." Proverbs 17:17